


The Feeling of Grief

by Highclasstrash



Series: Tumblr Prompts by Highclasstrashposts [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Can you tell deke is my favorite character?, Character Death, Episode: s06e07 Toldja, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24575263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highclasstrash/pseuds/Highclasstrash
Summary: Deke missed a lot in a year.Prompt: "hey idk if u take prompts but maybe a deke fic with angst and fitzsimmons?"
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie & Deke Shaw, Deke Shaw & Agents of SHIELD Team, Deke Shaw & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Deke Shaw & Jemma Simmons
Series: Tumblr Prompts by Highclasstrashposts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774090
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	The Feeling of Grief

Deke still flinches whenever someone reaches for his wrist, recoils when someone touches him. It's impossible to sneak up on him, he'll hear them before they get close. He always has a gun, or at least a knife, on him or near him. 

He catches Sequoias hand whenever it gets too close to the bullet wound. He checks every window and door to make sure they're all locked multiple times before he even thinks of sleeping. He even cuts his own hair because he doesn't trust anyone with anything sharp that close to his neck.

A lifetime of paranoia doesn't go away in one year.

And sometimes, that paranoia can save his life. 

He knows when he's being watched, when he's being followed. The person shoving him into an alley will be left on the ground with a broken wrist while Deke runs. An intern spending too much time in an important area will be invested. 

And the man in his office that looks like Coulson is definitely _not_ Coulson.

Nobody in SHIELD would pull a knife on him (and then hide it in such an obvious way), no matter how much they don't like him. 

Trevor's a SHIELD agent. With scathing accusations, but Deke couldn't afford to be hurt at the moment, he had to get everyone out of the building.

Sequoias dramatic, _"who are you?!"_ did hurt. Not as much as the stab wound, but it stuck in his chest along with Trevor's words.

So now Deke was back in the Lighthouse, his girlfriend left him for his best friend, the same best friend turned out to be a hired babysitter, and he had to give a sum of his company to Mack for an embarrassing reason.

At least he still had his family. And Daisy.

"And, _Jordan-_ I mean, like, are you kidding me?" Oh, God, Deke was talking about his stupid shoes to Daisy, who wasn't even looking up from her important tablet. But he couldn't stop talking. "Like, what a guy."

"I mean, you know who Jordan is, right?" Daisy's back was still to him.

Deke panicked. He did not know. But he wasn't going to let years of bullshitting his way through Kree go to waste now.

He scoffed, "Do I know- he changes everything, he's a revolutionary." So far, so good. "'Cause he . . . invented shoes."

He knew it was the wrong answer as soon as he said it. Daisy's little, _"yeah,"_ as she started to walk away was evidence.

He quickly stood up and suppressed a wince to follow her, talking about some bullshit about innovation or another. Saying he was similar to this Jordan guy for some reason.

He's bragging about how rich he is, now. And he's too far in to stop, and he just called her _silly_ , and he just referred to himself _in the third person_ he should really stop.

He changes the subject as quickly as possible, asking about space and his grandparents and what they did.

"- and grandma and grandpa are still in space, so that's cool." He's smiling so she doesn't pick up on his embarrassment.

Daisy's expression changes, and she looks at him fully for the first time in the whole conversation. "What have you been told?"

Dekes smile falters. "Well, Mack is pretty cagey with the details. You know, the director and his secrets." The smile is back up to where it was before. "So, fill me in."

Her face is relieved and sad, and she sighs. "I mean, it's a long story, but the detail that counts is that; we found him." She wasn't looking at him anymore. "We found Fitz, so . . ."

Dekes face contorted in confusion when she trailed off. " _'Found Fitz'?_ What are you talking about?"

There was something in his chest, making his heart beat faster and his breathing hitch. Maybe Piper and Mack accidentaly left the bullet in him and it was acting up. It better be acting up because it _hurt_.

But Deke knew this feeling. He felt it when the Kree came to kill his mother. He felt it when he saw the white rock on the Zephyr in the future. And now he's feeling it while talking about the only family he has left.

Daisy looking at him with pity. Pity is never good. She took a deep breath and sat down across from him.  
"You left right before the big fight against Talbot." It was a statement of a fact, not an accusation, which Deke was thankful for.

"I saw you on the news, you did good." Dekes mouth twitched into a smile for a moment before the serious expression came back.

Daisy grimaced. "Robin and her mom were in a spaceship, and Fitz, Mack, and May went to go get them." Her voice shook slightly, which is not like her at all.

The crushing dread was growing with every moment. Deke knew what was coming, but he couldn't believe it. He needed to hear it, no matter how much it hurt.

"The-" Daisy had to steady her breath. "The spaceship had crashed through a building, and they were all on their way out when . . ." She looked away from him. "The roof fell in and Fitz was . . ."

Deke still hadn't heard the words. He _needed_ to hear the words. 

"What happened." His mouth was dry and his eyes were wet and his chest was still hurting. 

Daisy looked at t him again. His eyes were hard and desperate. 

"Fitz died." Her voice was so quiet, he almost missed it.

Those were the words. Died. 

Deke couldn't hear anything after that. He blinked and felt the tears on his face, he gasped and sobbed and grabbed at his hair with tight fists. 

And now he's on the floor and Daisy is on the floor with him, trying to calm him down. But he can't. He's hurt. 

Daisy's saying things about how _it was quick_ and _he_ _wasn't_ _alone_ and _he didn't_ _feel_ _it_ and _it's okay because we found him_ but it doesn't matter. She tried explaining the science but Deke already knew the science.

He still died. And for a year, nobody thought to tell him. Even the Kree told family members when someone died. 

It all made sense now. Deke tried to reach out at Christmas, when he was feeling happy for the first time in a while, to celebrate with his family. Nobody at the Lighthouse would give him a straight answer, just tell him that Simmons and Fitz were in space and couldn't talk.

Daisy was hugging him and rubbing his back while he cried into her shoulder. He couldn't breathe. 

The grief and the hurt mixed together down in his gut and left a horrible feeling of _rage_ all around his body. 

Deke stood up, wiped his face dry and turned to leave. Daisy tried to grab his arm but he pushed her away and stalked down into the base. The walls were lighter but it was still the horrid bunker he grew up in. Daisy called after him but all he could hear was the blood rushing through his ears.

Deke found Mack in the lab with May.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was raw and the tears were still coming. Mack said something and May walked away and Deke took her place by the table. "Fitz died?! He died, and no one was gonna bother to, I don't know, send me a text?"

Mack's voice was calm, the bastard. "It was complicated-"

"Yeah, no kidding!" Deke said something about his multiverse but he didn't care about it. He cared that one of his only living relatives had _died_.

Mack tried to give Deke leaving as an excuse for not telling him, something about commitment. He tries to appeal to Dekes ego to have him help them. 

"It doesn't matter that I left!" Deke yelled, the tears didn't seem to stop. "He's my family, and nobody has the decency to tell me?" His breathing was ragged. "I know nobody likes me here, but even the Kree would tell you if someone in your family died!"

Mack finally shut up and was staring at Deke, everyone in the lab. He snatched the tablet out of Mack's hand and stormed out of the lab. He'd help, but he wouldn't be happy about it.

His room was untouched. The books and food were all left where they were, and a layer of dust covered everything. He tossed the tablet onto his bed and stood there for a moment. 

Deke stumbled to the corner and sat down, his breath still stuttering and his tears still flowing. He felt twelve years old again, crying in his room after losing his father for the first time.

Pain flared down on his abdomen. He gasped and looked, there was blood seeping down to the hem of his shirt.

Oh, he tore the stitches.

But no matter how much the stab wound hurt, it would always be drowned out by the aches in his chest that seemed to last a lifetime.


End file.
